WAIT.

A word that I am not particularly fond of.  A word that requires faith.  Faith that everything will work out.  Faith that this period will be fruitful.  Faith that there will be fruit at the end of this period.  It is also a word, that, if I may be frank, requires having little to no control.  And for me, having little to no control can be rather weakening.  

Now I know that there was never a time in my life when I was in full control of it.  Even King David professes, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb."  Later on, the Lord Himself tells Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born I set you apart..."  However, as I grew up and my parents slowly loosened their reins on me and my siblings, a part of me cannot help but think that I may have some control in my life. But whatever, that's for another blog entry.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that I don't like waiting.

~~~*fancy transition to a flashback story*~~~

I remember the eve before my first day of grade one.  My family was excited for me.  I was excited for me.  I remember in the middle of my excitement hearing about one of my cousins starting sixth grade.  It was at that moment that I stopped being excited.  I realized that I had a long way to go until I became a sixth grader.  I remember feeling like I had been punched in the gut.  I had to wait?  5 years?  5 Christmases, 5 birthdays, 5 years of copying stuff from the board with at least 40 students in the classroom?  5 years of waiting?  I remember feeling like I wanted to just fast forward everything and just become a sixth grader already and finish school.

Waiting sucks.  Even as a child I knew that waiting sucks.  Waiting requires enduring pain.  Waiting requires sleeping (something that I also did not like doing as a kid because I knew that it was some sort of waiting).

~~~*even fancier transition back to real time*~~~

Guess what season of life I'm in right now?  I wish that I could tell you that I am not in a season of waiting.  That would make for a good read eh?  Regrettably so, much like a Lemony Snicket novel, unfortunately, I am in a season of waiting.  

Every bit of my being wants to explode.  Great.  Another era of waiting. And who knows how long this wait will take.

Know what though? I don't hate waiting all that much.  There are a lot of things that I don't mind waiting for like

• When I'd have to start paying back my student loans debt
• Finishing this blog post (I enjoy writing, don't judge me)
• The ice in my iced coffee to start melting
• The last episode of a TV show that I'm binge watching on Netflix
• The last bite of good food
• Dying
• The end of some sermon or worship sets

So you see. I don't mind waiting sometimes.  

As I was compiling this list on my phone as I waited for my bus to get to my destination, I came to yet another realization (yazaaahhh!!).  I realized that the reason that I don't mind waiting in these particular times is because I am either enjoying the so called waiting period or I am doing something I enjoy while I wait.

Here's my current day dilemma.  I am in a season of waiting where I am not really doing anything that I particularly like (nothing/staying at home) and as a fairly type-A kind of person, I am always just seeking what to do next.  At this point in my life, I feel fairly oppressed...Not in control. 

Yet the Lord keeps telling me in various ways to wait.  The messages that I would hear on Sundays (trust me, my pastor isn't currently doing a series on Waiting); my devotions nearly everyday (which I sometimes purposefully not do in fear that the Lord will slap me in the face with the word wait); people from church would tell me that I should enjoy this time of waiting; random articles (both Christian and non-Christian related) would remind me to wait; heck even the underlying messages that I would pick up from TV shows would be to wait. And of course when I would go to a youth group, they would do a listening prayer and God would tell me to (yup, you guessed it) wait.

Time and time again, I would tell the Lord, "Yeah, I get it!"  Apparently not cuz I still complain about it.  I even take the time to write a whole blog post about it.  It was not until a couple of days ago when I thought about people in the Bible and their dealings with waiting.

• Abraham and Sarah couldn't wait for their promised child that they planned (and proceeded) to have a child through Hagar.  God was like, "Nope."  And when Isaac was finally born, the "Parents of Many Nations" were like, "Ohhhh!!!"
• The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years because they didn't believe when God told them that they would conquer the land that He promised to them.  God was like, "Nope."  And when this unbelieving generation died after 40 years in wilderness, their kids were like, "Ohhh!!!"
• Then there was David who waited about 15-20 years from the time he was anointed by Samuel to be king until he actually became king.  You'd think that when he killed Goliath, God would've given him that crown, but God was like, "Nope."  Then when David finally came into power, he was like, "Ohhh!!!"
• A similar thing happened to Zechariah (dad of John the Baptist) who became mute after his unbelief that he and his wife will have a son at their age.  God was like, "Nope."  And when his family was fighting over what to name his son, he was finally able to speak and said, "John. *gasp* Ooohh!!!" (probably).
• There's also my favourite, the apostle Paul.  He claimed to be born in the tribe of Benjamin (which I can relate to, as at least one of my granddad's name is Benjamin [not too sure about my mom's dad, but I think she told me it was also Benjamin]), he was taught by the best (shout out to my Bible College profs!) and yet when he encountered Christ, he was taken off from his high horse (literally), was blinded for 3 days, and had to wait probably about at least 3 years before he was able to preach.  At first, God told him "Nope."  Then when was finally able to preach, he was all, "Oohh!!!"

I conclude this long blog post with the conclusion that I don't want to say, "Oohh!!" at the end of this waiting period, but earlier on.  As I wait, I know that the Lord is not just telling me to simply be and do nothing.  Some times in this waiting period He tells me that, but for the most part, what I've failed to include up to this point is that while I wait, the Lord wants me to use this time to get closer to Him.  Simple right?  Yeah, but I suck as a human.  Quite frankly I would fail to find my satisfaction in Him and spend quality time with Him in my times of busyness.  In times when I would do stuff for Him in ministry.  With 4 years of Bible College under my belt where I was immersed in learning about Him and doing some sort of ministry every week (sometimes every day), let me be honest in saying that I sucked hugely at spending quality time with my Creator.

Here I am. Sitting in front of my computer. Waiting.  I wait in hope.  I wait but I am doing something that I love to do: pursuing God.  Proverbs 23:17-18 states:

17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,

    but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord.

18 There is surely a future hope for you,

    and your hope will not be cut off. 

Ladies and gentlemen, in my - in our waiting periods let us be reminded that we do not wait in vain.  We are given a hope.  We wait in hope.  We wait with God.  God is with us in our waiting periods.  He wants us to get to know Him while we wait.  Seriously, going to heaven for eternity is a long time to get to know God; might as well start getting to know Him now.  Hashtag Oohh!!!

Cheers!